His drug, his love, his life
by Xx-Blood.Stained.Rabbit.-xX
Summary: /Love equals pain./ He could feel it burning his insides, devouring him, utterly and completely destroying him. But they say that when you feel pain, you love. And he loved. Selfishly maybe, but he was deeply and irrevocably in love with Oz. - Gilbert/ Oz


_**This is a kind of translation for my Pandora Hearts greek story "**__**Το **__**ναρκωτικό **__**του**__**, **__**η **__**αγάπη **__**του**__**, **__**η **__**ζωή **__**του**__**". When I say kind of translation I mean that it is not word to word, since I wanted to fit the emotions of the original story to its English version. I hope enjoy~!**_

_**Pairing: Gilbert x Oz **_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts, if I did Gilbert would have already been with Oz, there would have been some BreakxAlice and Oscar and Elliot wouldn't have died. **_

_**Contains spoilers for the latest chapters in the manga. (up till chapter 85) And yes Break is not taken by the Baskerville's because I did not want him to be in that state and it wouldn't help the way I had created my story. XD After all, I hate the fact that he so close to his death…**_

* * *

_**His drug, his love, his life.**_

_**-Maria Z.**_

* * *

He closed his eyes and changed sides. He brought his legs close to his chest, holding them tightly with his one and only hand. Suddenly, he felt tears moistening dangerously his eyes until they finally started running down his face. Hot and salty, screaming of his despair. But it was true. He didn't know how to love, or better how to _properly _love.

/Love equals sacrifice./

He had sacrificed himself innumerous times for Oz and he wouldn't hesitate to do it again. The only thing he didn't know and was annoying him, was the fact he did not know his true purposes. Does he sacrifice himself, because he is just simply afraid of losing him? But isn't this love? Selfish love, not pure but love nonetheless. He couldn't bear the thought of losing him even if Oz himself wanted to disappear.

'_Oz…'_

He dug his nails into the silky sheets, so brutally, as if he wanted to tear them apart. Tears kept running down his pale face, when he started kicking the air with his legs like a crazy maniac. He wanted to scream, release his unbearable despair, but he did not want to cause a scene and worry everyone. So he buried his screams, while curling up in the bed trying desperately to calm down.

/Love equals pain./

He could feel it burning his insides, devouring him, utterly and completely destroying him. But they say that when you feel pain, you love. And he loved. Selfishly maybe, but he was deeply and irrevocably in love with Oz. He had always been, since they were little kids, even when he occasionally played pranks on him –close to even torturing him-. But he loved every piece that completed the puzzle of Oz's personality.

He heard the door opening, slowly and shyly, and a dark figure approached him. "Gil, are you okay? I heard some weird and loud noises and felt concerned."

'_Why does he care so much about me?' _

"It's nothing. Do not worry." he tried to reply sweetly, but the sadness was apparent on his face. He could easily feel it on his skin. Oz wouldn't be able to see it in the darkness of the night, but he could feel it eating him up, killing him. Suddenly, he saw Oz sitting next to him, on the bed, with his emerald green eyes piercing him, while sparkling bewitchingly through the darkness. "You don't look fine, Gil." he told him calmly, while bringing his palm on Gilbert's face, searching every bit of it with the tips of his frail fingers. His whole body shivered and stiffened at the feeling of Oz's warm hands.

/Love means feel./

And he could easily feel the sweet warmth of Oz's hands. In each fiber of his body. "Do not worry Oz. I don't have anything. It was just a nightmare, now it's gone." He lied to him, pretending that finally everything is alright now, that he could safely go back to sleep, without pain or tears. "You are lying…" Oz's voice came out as a whisper, but there was an apparent tension in his tone. "Have I ever lied to you?"

"There is always a first time for everything, Gilbert." Hearing his full name coming out of Oz's mouth, made his blood freeze. Oz was getting serious. He couldn't make himself believe him and now his face that previously was full of worry and affection was cold and deadpan.

/Love equals sadness./

And it hurt him, seeing Oz like that. He couldn't stand the fact that Oz was mad at him. Oz had now stood up and was ready to leave the room, when he heard Gilbert's trembling voice. "Wait, don't leave…I don't want to be alone…"

Oz stopped and sat once again on the bed, only this time closer to Gilbert. "I was brusque and got mad, when I don't even have the right to. After all, I am nothing but a chain in Jack's body. I am a monster and the only thing you do is protect me…You even lost an arm for me and the only thing I do is being ungrateful to you. And there is also uncle Oscar's death, that turned my whole world upside down." Tears started streaming down Oz's pale and soft skin.

/Love means protect./

Gilbert's heart started breaking into millions of pieces, slowly and painfully. He couldn't stand seeing Oz, his best friend and the person he loved with his whole heart, in a state like that. Being in pain, feeling alone, melting just right next to him, slowly and severely. He raised his one, sole hand and brought Oz closer to his chest, sliding it slowly through the blonde, silky locks of Oz's hair. "I am going to say it again. I do not care that you are B-Rabbit, nor do I care about the fact that you are in Jack's body, mainly because I know you are _not _Jack. Losing my arm doesn't heart a bit, but seeing you like that pains me greatly. It makes me melt, while slowly destroying me." He started feeling his own eyes moisten and burn, until he could feel tears running from his own, golden eyes, as well.

/Love means care./

Oz's eyes opened wide, as he slowly raised his face only to stare into Gilbert's piercing, golden eyes. "Why do you care so much about me, when I don't even deserve it? I do not deserve someone like you caring for a fake monster like me. Do you remember what they told me at my coming-of-age ceremony? _"Your sin is your mere existence"_ At the time we weren't able to fully comprehend the words of the Baskerville's, but now I know that my existence is a terrible mistake." More tears fell on Oz's face.

"There is nothing wrong about you. Nothing at all. And I have every right to care for the one I love."

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_Ending One._

_I live for you.-I love you-_

* * *

"You love me?" Oz's voice was barely hearable.

"More than anything else in the world."

"Why?"

"I cannot live without you. You are my drug, my love, my whole life."

Oz slid his two arms around Gilbert's neck, who felt astound by Oz's unforeseeable move. "Loving you back is an unforgivable sin, but I cannot act any differently. I love you, Gil." he told him, while bringing their faces closer, so close that they were able to hear each other's breathing. And then with one plain movement, he crushed his lips against Gilbert's rough ones. The kiss was reluctant at first, but the sensation, of their lips moving against each other was undeniably intoxicating, turning the kiss into something more lustful. It was as if they were two animals fighting against each other, only in this case Gilbert and Oz were on the same side, searching love and eternal happiness.

/Love equals life./

Two tongues were fighting for dominance, while lips teased, tasted and pleased. And then their connection broke, giving both of them the chance to take a breath. "Loving someone is not a sin Oz. Everyone has the right in love…"

"Even someone like me?"

"Especially you Oz…"

"Then make love to me, Gil. I want to have all of you, finally become one with you. I love you, Gil."

/Love equals love./

Gilbert kissed Oz's lips once again and whispered. "I love you too, Oz. You are my whole world, my guilty drug." And so they spent the whole night, tasting each other, until they became one. Two bodies fighting each other, as if there is no tomorrow, until they both reached their ultimate and utter peak. Gilbert's body collapsed next to Oz's frail figure, who wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in the crock of Gilbert's neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his skin. He smelled like _**cigarette **_and _**cinnamon**_. "I am going to keep saying this even if you get bored of hearing it. I love you, Oz." A laugh escaped Oz's lips "Me too. Forever."

"But you don't believe in forever."

"I believe in a forever with you, Gil."

Gilbert smiled and brought his lips against Oz's forehead and planted a kiss on it sweetly. Then slowly their eyes closed and they got lost in the world of dreams, in a 'forever' together, in each other's arms.

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_Ending Two._

_I die for you- I love you.-_

* * *

"You love me?" Oz's voice was barely hearable.

"More than anything else in the world."

"Why?"

"I cannot live without you. You are my drug, my love, my whole life."

"But I don't have the right to live, Gil. They were right. My existence is an undeniable, irreversible mistake." Tears, from his bewitching emerald green eyes, kept streaming down his face, creating rivers of tears on his soft, pale skin. Gilbert's lips touched his, creating a kiss with the saltiness of their tears. "Don't say such things, Oz." he managed to mumble in between the kisses and tears.

/Love equals death./

"Kill me, Gil. I cannot live knowing what I am. But I don't want to get killed by the hands of Pandora's men. I only want **_you_** to do that." Gilbert's body stiffened and his golden eyes opened up wide. "What are you saying, Oz? I cannot kill you…I love you far too much to do that…"

Oz stood up and opened the drawer of Gilbert's nightstand, taking out his well-kept, black gun. "Take it…" he said pointing the gun towards Gilbert. He took it in his trembling hands, while crying poignantly. Oz found once again his place on the bed and hugged Gilbert's shacking figure, kissing sweetly the back of his neck. Slowly he broke their overwhelming connection and placed Gilbert's fingers on the trigger. "Pull the trigger…" he told Gilbert whispering, while kissing him once again on the lips.

/Love equals darkness./

"I can't…"

"Put your finger around the trigger and pull it…" Two trembling fingers hugged the trigger, ready to pull it. "I love you, Oz."

"Me too…"

_**Bang. **_

Oz's body collapsed in Gilbert's arms, who couldn't hold back his tears anymore, starting a sorrowful mourning. He slowly slid his still shacking fingers through Oz's silky hair, stroking his hair sweetly, until he fell asleep in between his unbearable tears and with Oz's dead body in his arms.

* * *

_After one week._

* * *

"He hasn't eaten for a week. If he keeps doing that, he will sooner or later, die." told Sharon worriedly Break. "We must do something… after Oz-kun's death he has fallen in a state of utter depression."

"Oz's death was too much for Gilbert's heart to bear and you know that very well, Break. He will never come back to his previous state, not unless he has his precious Oz in his arms, with him."

"So you are telling me to let him die?" asked Break reluctantly, but full of curiosity.

"If this is what his heart wants then yes…"

* * *

He lit up one more cigarette and placed it in between his lips, while the bottle of vodka next to him was nearly empty. His life had lost its reason, after Oz's death. He was his drug, his love, his life. Without him there was no reason for living.

"_Oz…"_

He drank one more generous sip of vodka and collapsed on the bed. Tears started streaming down his face, with no intention of stopping. He closed his eyes tightly and his sole hand found its way to his black gun. He took a deep breath and brought it against his temple.

"_I am coming to find you, Oz…"_

Two fingers slipped around the trigger and hugged it. One tighter hug was needed and he will be able to see Oz once again. One tighter hug and everything will finally be over. His soul will finally find the peace he had always craved for. It was only one plain movement. "I love you, Oz…"

_**Bang.**_

* * *

Sharon and Break heard the pungent gunshot and understood immediately what had happened. They ran to Gilbert's room only to see his dead body, lying lifeless on the white, silky sheets of his bed. But what they came to notice was his face, which had a peaceful, calm expression, one they hadn't seen for quite a while on Gilbert's face. He had finally found the happiness he had always craved for.

It was only a matter of minutes, until he was able to reunite with the love of his life.

/Love means forever./

"_Isn't that right, Gil?"_

"_Of course."_

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_**The End. Xx.**_

_**I hope you guys enjoyed the story~! Btw, you can choose whichever ending you preferred. I personally love both, so that's the main reason why I tried to find a way to write both of them in my story. Review?**_


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